Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet 
known to science.
 
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant 
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it 
an atomic mass of 312.
 
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are 
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.. 
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be 
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into 
contact.
 
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally 
take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 40 years to complete. 
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 4 years. It does not decay, but 
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant 
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
 
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since 
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming 
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to 
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical 
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical 
morass.
 
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an 
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has 
half as many peons but twice as many morons.